a CEO walks into his office “any messages?” he asks his assistant
“two anons want to know who tom petty is and one just says ‘post your ballsack’”
“got it. check my dashboard”
“that skeleton gif you like is back again”
he rubs his chin pensively “mm. reblog that”
TINY TURTLE INVESTIGATORS: THE CASE OF THE LARGE STRAWBERRY
GOOD MORNING EVERYONE
“HAVE YOU TRIED BALANCING ON IT”
“YES OF COURSE I TRIED BALANCING ON IT JENKINS THIS IS NOT MY FIRST DAY AS A TINY TURTLE INVESTIGATOR”
if you ever feel bad about yourself, just remember that one time i had to fly with my cello so we bought it a seat
and it got upgraded to first class
i hate being that guy who adds onto a text post but my dad is a cellist and he has to buy a seat for his cello every time he has to fly somewhere for a show and the cello has become such a valued customer for airlines that we regularly get mail addressed to “Cello Friesen” for airfare deals and stuff
For April Fools’ Day, my local radio station is playing literally nothing but Backstreet Boys’ songs and announcing them as other songs, and I think that’s beautiful.
BUT HE HAD 7 KIDS AND A WIFE TO FEED SO HE ENDED UP OWNING A GROCERY STORE AFTER SERVING IN WW2
TODAY MY DAD WAS CLEANING THE HOUSE AND FOUND SOME PENCIL DRAWINGS THAT MY GRANDPA DID AND ASKED IF I WANTED TO HAVE THEM AND I
CAN WE JUST LOOK AT THIS
MY BAD WEBCAM PICTURES DON’T EVEN DO THEM JUSTICE LIKE LOOK AT THESE
MY GRANDPA NEVER BECAME A FAMOUS ARTIST
BUT I WANT TO MAKE HIM KNOWN
My excuse for not doing anything today.
Do you know the horrors that happened where you’re standing?
Life goes on, strange isn’t it?